Instagram 101- The Ultimate Guide

Posted: April 3, 2014 in Other
Tags: ,

It’s been a while, hasn’t it ? I guess I went into a winter sleep just like Polar bears up north in the Arctic tend to do and am back to writing just as they are about to wake up. It’s been a warm winter. Now let’s cut to the chase. This is about Instagram. This is about everything you see on Instagram. It’s about how people could possibly use Instagram. I joined the Instagram wagon around 21 months ago. I was absolutely clueless. My first uploaded photo was a Tim Horton’s cup of coffee (Definitely not a StarBucks person), and then it just happened after it. It’s a bit like Twitter. You get into it more the more followers you get, you know why? Because you think to yourself, “PEOPLE CARE”. I thought my approach was the norm, but after nearly two years, I think it really wasn’t. Watching hundreds of my friends join Instagram since I have become a mainstay, I can classify them into two general groups:

Group A: They join and within their first 2 days, they upload 5 photos a day on average. It varies from selfies, to #tbt , to #wcw and so many more of those weird hashtags. They announce their presence in style. Here I am. Ever present in your timeline. Deal with it.

Group B: They join Instagram, get a load of followers, follow some, and then they disappear for ever. They are just a body with no soul. They are there, while in fact they aren’t really there. They are basically the exact opposite of Group A. You never hear from them again except that initial notification of “Your Facebook friend – ABC EDFG- has joined Instagram.” Group A become main stay and upon time adapt to the routine style. They adapt to the normal Instagram life. Speaking of Normal Instagram life, what is it? Below, I list some dominant type of people and posts you are likely to encounter on Instagram.

The Gym Rats: Once upon time, there was a girl in New York who got famous through her butt photos on Instagram. She became an inspiration to a generation and led the door for Instagram gym rats. This group tend to post mostly when at the gym while they the photo through the gym mirror and you can see their phones as they are taking it. They are never actually looking at the camera. Of course, there is always some sort of headphones in their ears as well. Every time they lose .00001% body fat, everyone and their dogs should know it. Everytime their abs start showing signs of popping up, it simply has to be posted. In my opinion, they are insufferable.

The Aspiring “Models”:  This group mostly consists of girls. They take a selfies showing some sort of cleavage or such, and tag #ootd #photooftheday in hope of someone noticing it and somehow making it to the popular page. They tend to take good care of their body, go the the gym, and have certain physical attractions. Their hashtags are nearly always the same. You know when we were kids, dreaming of being a doctor, actor, or a famous athlete when we woke up? They still have those dreams, but their version ends up on Instagram popular page. They usually have a couple of thousands of followers, who may or may not use those photos upon treating their bodies as amusement parks.

I Eat Awesome Food: They eat. They eat differently. I am a fan. They expose you to some stuff you hadn’t considered before and I appreciate that. There is always something artsy about their photos. They usually identify the location before posting their photos. They are in my good books. Keep up the good work !

The Hashtag Whores: The message is simple. Please Follow me and like my photos. It’s very important for us to be approved and liked by people who we probably don’t even know or care for. The list of hashtags under their photos goes as wide as the photo itself at times. You’ll often come across #likes4likes , #followbackfamily, and hashtags of this sort. There is nothing wrong with a few cheeky and clever hashtags, but to hashtag 30 different words for a StarBucks coffee photo is just absurd. That’d classify as a Hashtag Whore. You know what ?! They are insufferable as well.

The Poets: This thing always winds me up. The Poets don’t usually have a certain type of photos. Their range is actually quiet diverse (with more emphasis on Selfies), but it’s about the description under those photos. To demonstrate, their photo is a bathroom selfie with description of: “Without you I didn’t know I can do it, Without you I was lost. O baby glad you’re here, because for me it was love or bust”. YES, This actually happens. Unbelievable I know. A bathroom selfie where the flash is showing, brings out such poetic side of people.

Those five categories above can intervene at times. There are some perfect non-sterotypical , classy users of Instagram as well out there, but they are here and between in a sea dominated by those described earlier. Back to the main subject, what a genius idea it was. We all can take photos in blink of an eye these days, and we all like sense of sharing and approval. Those two basic human tendencies and abilities combine and create the need for “Instagram”. Well done to whoever came up with the idea, you deserve the dough you earned through it. I conclude with this genius clip that predicted today’s social media around two decades ago.

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